how to deal with toxic family members, It is high time we speak about toxic family members how to deal with it, because I’m pretty sure you guys have at least one family member who is so toxic that you just wanna punch a hole in their face.
Trust me I know it because I don’t have just one I have a couple of them and here’s how I deal with these toxic family members,
Some of you guys have a hard time because you know blood is thicker than water ot whatever but it becomes a problem when blood relations make you bleed so you know what, let me help you on how to deal with toxic family members
It could be a parent, it could be a pet, it could be a sister, it could be a brother, it could be a grandma, this post applied to all,
Now I understand dealing with a toxic family member is way more complicated because this kind of relationship is more difficult to break. But what’s the point of having such family members who hurt you, who manipulate you, who use you for their own benefit. What’s the point of having such people in your lives,
Honestly Something I believe in, is that it doesn’t matter who it Is, I look at everyone as an individual, I don’t look at people ohh is my family so it’s okay let them fu..k me over absolutely not,
How To Spot A Toxic Family Member
Now here’s something if you don’t understand if you can’t figure out if your family is toxic or not, if your family member is toxic or not, here are a few ways you can identify a narcissistic or toxic family members.
If they manipulate you, they will do whatever they need to control you and your life, any situation that they will feel like it’s in their best interest if you have someone like that yeah they’re toxic.
If you have a family member who blames everyone else for literally everything specially things about themselves where they have done mistakes yeah they’re toxic.
If you have a family member who takes no responsibility in their actions because in their mind they can never do wrong yeah they’re toxic.
if you have a family member who have no concern for other people’s well beings, Fellings, thoughts, they’re toxic.
if you have a family member who’s always judgemental and cruel they simply have no emotional filter and see no reason to control their thoughts or how they express themselves they’re toxic.
if you have a family member who makes you feel guilty for doing something good for you they’re toxic.
if you have family members who lie manipulate and cheat their way through they’re toxic, and now I’m gonna tell you how to deal with it
1. How To Deal With Toxic Family Members Create Boundaries
When you create boundaries you literally place a barrier to how much you can tolerate to what extent they could talk to you in a way that you will already feel disrespected
Boundaries are very important when it comes to any kind of relationships even with pets, but it is very essential to do so
it is very easy to get caught in the web of toxic behavior sometimes you might have not even realize that you’re going or you’re dealing with toxic family members because you’re so used to it, because you grew up with it,
So you have no idea how to set boundaries, because ever since you were a kid your boundaries yeah they were missing, your parents never allowed you to have boundaries, because you know they’re family so you are never allowed to have boundaries
But now that you’re an adult and you understand things it is time you set boundaries now how to set boundaries may take some time for some of you all to figure out
Especially if you have no boundaries in your family whatsoever not just with you like literally no one has boundaries it’ll be difficult but you will learn how to set boundaries
For example. If your auntie say something dumb. Be like listen. it’s not your place to ask me such personal questions or say something if she comments on your weight. You be like listen this is not your place to judge me this is my personal life
Honestly I would be more rude but you know I’m trying to teach you all nice things the point is toxic people do not want you to have boundaries because when you have boundaries it is hard for them to control you control your actions
Because a toxic person lives invading on other people’s boundaries other people’s lives so when you don’t have boundaries you are letting them say whatever they want do whatever they want whatever just because they feel like it and they feel comfortable doing so
That is why it’s very important to set boundaries that limits such kind of behaviors
2. Limit Contact With Toxic Family Members
This may be hard to do because it’s your family I understand because family members often get together you will see them but I honestly don’t care for me
For example. I could go to a family members wedding and I will still like literally keep my contact limit hi hello bye whatsoever that’s it because I don’t give a fu..k I don’t care if my parents are not happy with my behavior because for them it’s fine they were raised in a way that they don’t have boundaries they were raised in a way to accept such kind of behavior but I’m not that way so if someone dares to cross a boundary dares to disrespect me I’m not gonna shut my mouth
You can avoid most of this toxic behavior you can avoid them disturbing your peace by limiting contact with them although you may not be able to totally avoid them you can always find ways to make sure you surround yourself with people you get along with
As a way to insulate yourself from toxic family members and for heaven’s sake do not allow yourself to be cornered alone in the corner of a room
And please not confide in family members that turn out to be someone who you can’t count on if they betray you ones they’ll do it again do not ever share your personal information with people who can use it against you if you by any chance have to communicate with any family member keep it up to a limit be straightforward and simple
The second you sence an argument or uncomfortable situation just don’t engage in it because they will still find fault in that if you argue and if you’re in a situation where you have to argue go ahead and do that, but if it’s a useless argument where you don’t have to win just leave it because trust me toxic people like this they will feel bad when you don’t engage in their toxic behavior
3. Do Not Engage With Toxic Family Members
Do not engage aside from limiting contact it’s important to not play into any interaction with them especially when it’s proactive and argumentative I know it’s hard to hold our tongue sometimes but sometimes it’s for the best to protect your own peace sometimes it is important to stand up for yourself and use your tongue for your own good because you can’t just be letting anyone say outrageous and horrific things about you sometimes you have to stand up for yourself
I am not saying shut your mouth when they disrespect you what I’m saying is if it’s a tiny little thing that you literally don’t give a fu…k about then just don’t engage in it because when you engage in such behavior you are still letting them control you because you are letting them control your anger your Furiousness you’re letting them control you so and that is what a toxic person wants to see so when you don’t engage in such behavior you are taking that power away from them so they can’t manipulate you into an argument they can’t manipulate you into anger because you don’t allow them to. My next point is
4. Dealing With A Toxic Family Member Don’t Let Boundaries Turn Into Fear
Now setting boundaries there’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries one of the things that we grew up especially brown people we grew up thinking okay if I set boundaries my mom will think I’m disrespecting her if I set boundaries with this auntie she might not talk to my mom that is not your problem what other people think it is not your problem because once again people who have a problem with other people setting boundaries that is a toxic person because they can’t control you
That is why it’s important to have boundaries and see the people who respect your boundaries people who do not respect your boundaries are the ones who lose the most
When you set boundaries you will see that the minute you start setting boundaries you will see the ones who will be like oh my goodness why you never did that before but you’re doing it now those are the people who are losing control over you and have the most problems with that
Someone who respects you and enjoy your presence someone who loves you someone who cherishes you someone who respects your decisions will never have a problem with you setting boundaries keep that in mind
And your mom or someone auntie or a cousin being mad at you you should not live with that fear if they have a problem with it so be it if you have a problem with me respecting myself just so that I could respect you ok man bye
5. Family Member is Toxic Their Issues Are Not Yours
Their issues are not your fault here’s the thing when we grow up in toxic family you know a toxic surrounding a toxic environment we immediately think that our household issues are our issues if your brother is fighting with your mom that becomes your issue if your parents are fighting that becomes your issue trust me when I say this things that happen in your family things that happen in your surrounding in your environment if it’s not related to you it’s not your problem to fix
because you’re destroying your own peace you’re destroying your own mental health trying to fix problems that are not yours trying to fix problems that you are not the source of do not try to fix things that you didn’t break there are a lot of things in life that will come and hit you like a bus that you have to fix but if you’re so busy fixing other people’s problems you will never have the time or the peace or the sanity in your head to fix your own shit
So next time before you try to fix something in your family make sure that you are in the right place mentally make sure that you are okay with fixing it because most of the time we spend so much of our time we invest so much of our peace our energy into fixing things that literally ruin our peace that ruin our wellbeing ruin our mental health when these people don’t even give half the shits that we give so stop doing that it’s something like not my circus not my monkeys why would I give a shit
6. Dealing With Toxic Family Members Cut Contact
If you are going through a situation where your family member it could be a parent ones again it could be a parent it could be a sister it could be a cousin I don’t care if you’re going through something like this like you literally cannot change this person and this person will not change no matter what they will not respect you they will not respect your boundaries that is when you completely cut off contact
Now if you’re still living under your parents roof I could understand especially if you’re brown but if you in a household where you are getting abused you’re getting beaten up you’re being disrespected they do not allow you to pursue your dreams there are parents like this who do not let their kids go outside and chase their dreams because parents think they know the best yes that’s true I’m not telling you disrespect your parents
But sometimes parents because of their own childhood trauma because of their own limiting beliefs because of their own issues or insecurities they will project them all onto their kids and they will never allow their kids to chase their dreams and if you really want to do those things I’m not saying partying and drinking I’m talking about dreams goals your career you well-being
if you’re in a place if you’re in a household if you’re in an environment where your mental health just will not be better with these people you can see it no matter what you do it will just not be okay make money somehow and get out of that household cut off contact trust me sometimes cutting off contact even temporarily is the solution because sometimes they do not learn people do not learn especially family members because they know they have a hold on you they know that they can control you because you know what we’re blood we can do whatever we want I can literally beat you because you came out of my womb I can do whatever I want to do because I’m you father I’m your mother because I’m your blood the delusional people think like that toxic people think like that and they use your blood as an excuse to do all off those things
if you’re in such a situation get out of it at least temporarily until they learn a lesson sometimes they think that you can’t leave you can’t do this you can’t do that do it and show it to them
